Can You Afford to Follow Your Dreams? Can You Afford NOT to?

About my dreams that I have decided to follow. 

The problem was...or how to put it....until recently I was aiming for what the community expects of me, among with some of my close family members. But hell no, no more! The pressure of the community, meaning that, yes, after high school you should apply for a programme in a respected university to be trained as the trend is - when I was applying in 2005, it was the business management, few years before that, there was a huge boom of IT and now they are trying to get students to do more scientific programmes. I'm not saying that business administration and management programmes are stupid, not at all, they are the basis for a country as small as Estonia to ensure it's competitiveness in the world of trading and being a part of the EU and it's rules. Not forgetting the overall global and political-economic situation - it has a crucial value and I could even point out that due to the numerous graduates of programmes like that, Estonia has gained more than lost. Anyhow, this is the macro-level of the topic - when it comes to your personal decisions, community plays a role that you might not even notice. Come on, don't you just remember that "you have to work really hard on your studies, because of the finals. After that you can get in to any uni you want" in the high school. Those studies taking expensive amount of your time and not leaving you any to actually figure out what it is that YOU actually want to do with your life. 

So, after finishing your studies in the programme, what is most likely the most popular at the moment. Then, you are facing another issue - getting a job, even if you do not even like the field, they expect you to start working right away. Getting monthly income, living your quiet little life, getting a huge loan for a newly built apartment in suburbs and babies. You need to have children. Because it is normal. At the age of 25 you should be finished your studies, you should be having a relationship at least, better is to be married and you should at least be already planning the growth of your family. And then, walk with the baby stroller and spend your nights and days talking about diapers. Not saying that it is not good or anything against it, but I'm just not there yet. Before walking down that road there are few career-based things I need to get over with.
To be honest, I'm not even sure what that thing is exactly, but I am 110% sure that this routine, expected by the community, this is not for me, not just now. I need to travel the world, find my passion, make shitloads of money, turn myself into well educated professional in something and make a difference. Have fun and take all there is to take out of this world. I need to aim higher than it is expected, think for myself and not be so influential by whoever and what ever---but that is covered by the thinking for myself too, right.

Anyhow, the plan is to be and have those things by the time I die (hope I will have a long happy life and won't die before 80 years because of my smoking and drinking and ... unhealthy lifestyle), so in general, the outcome should be living up to those standards, hopefully even better... but we'll see: 

*not having to be worried how much you actually spend in a groacieries store and not having to look at the prices...no where, not even at the LV and Chanel. If I feel like treating myself, I go for it!

*can afford to go to PLACES, travelling the world is a natural part of my everyday!

*nice home with a awesome kitchen and huge balcony and few extra bedrooms for my awesome friends, biiiiiiig dressing room and movie watching area. 

*retirement will be spent in a cute beach house with a  blue-blue sea view and swing-bed on the terrace, huge balcony (bigger than my penthouse's apartment has) and tiny garden where the spices are grown.

*happiness and health - as a part of all

*Maslow's highest level! The feeling of accomplishment & changing the world. A job that pays the rent is not simply enough. 

So, and the plan to get what I dream of is to: 

a) win the lottery (but since there is nothing to achieve there it is combined with the following)

b) educating yourself to be very highly valued professional in international level of either politics, economics or finance...or something in between (I'm working on that yet...it will come along soon enough), so that well payed jobs are lining up in front of you and you can make your pick and headhunters are hunting you and your professional skills and background would be nothing less than impressive. 

c) work hard, keep yourself motivated and eyes on the goal. Not forgetting to have fun the same time. 

d) networking - keeping your friends close, enemies closer; gathering new contacts and making them matter.
e) finding the passion and combining it with shit I just need to get over with.

Yes. I know, money is not everything, you can not buy happiness or health, but as they say - it is much nicer to be unhappy and cry in a Mercedes convertible than in Opel form year 1996. True story. + I'm guessing, that my need for that kind of financial security is caused by where I am from and how I was raised. I feel that it is important not to be having to worry about weather you can send your kid to a schools filed trip or not...etc. I realize that when I die, I probably wont be thinking about the awesome car I had, but rather the memories with the family and friends, about the good things and changes made. That's why it is important to be there for your family and friends, constantly planning to do fun stuff with them and keeping up the quality of good time. :)

So, how ever good or bad that may sound to you, my dear reader. Dreams are to be followed, I can not afford to not do that. The worst thing that could happen is that some of it will not come true, but it is fine. I'm sure some of my plans will change along the way  - improvement of the plan, that's what I call it, because I'm hoping to specify it and create more strategical approach.

Other than that, I have decided to give it a shot and when then, when not now! Totally logical and normal, I think.

Bisous to ya all! :) 

Dear friends and family,

I decided not to come back just yet. As some of you know Paris is soooo my city, out of all I have had a chance to visit and I feel like I need to stay.
If I win the lottery, I'll come for a holiday, but for now, I need to stay and work on my everyday food and work even harder on achieving my bigger goals in life. Following my dream and doing my thing.
I heart you all and miss you a lot. From the bottom of my heart.
I'll keep you posted on what's going on and how Paris treats me.

Illustrative material

Karina & Mariliis

Alimaga:) 

Thanh

Thanh & Nick

 at the Musee Rodin

Thanh & Nick

 at the church, 12/05/12

 

 my cupcake

 ;)

 Elias

 Rasmus

 At the geybar: Where is the ladies room?

 Dinner with my girls

 Balcony photoshoot

 I scream, you scream

 Gerlooo

 Making out with some random dude

 Mona, my friend, Lisa

 Foooooood. I have gained 7 kilos here. 

 Rodin

 Hilda

 1/5 the Frog team. BTW, today 21/05 some tourist dudes came in and asked if we served any frog legs...since the name of the place was FROG XVI! 

CHRISHARA

C'est Chrishara, mon ami! :)

She was my roomie-neighbour at the tiny little apartmant we shared at the Voltaire, 75011. For 1,5 month, starting from mid January to the end of Feb, when I had some happenngs and moved back to Rapp at the 75007!

She's sooooo much fun! We totally share the sence of humour and few other interests. We're the same age, unlike most of the people that I used to study here with.

What we used to do was having dinner together, doing our nails and chatting. A lot of chatting. Ooooh, great times at the Voltaire. Me, taking the "shower seat" - meaning that I sat in the shower since we had no chairs, except for that one. And doing laundry together. Now, put like that, we didn't do that much together, but hey, that was quality time. :)

Still is, we still meet up to do the nails (paint them red usually), chattttttt and laugh, we keep each other updated with our latest happenings and she'll come to my island sometime, maybe this summer. :) "My island" means that Elias told her that I owned an island in Est! :) And she'll come to check it out! If she comes, blast for sure.

And there is sooooo much more! She's nice, awesome, sweet, good hearted, polite, with good sence of humour, funny, smart and with in one word - keeper! :) love her!

My last weeks in the fabulous Paris have been fabulous. No shit, uh!

So, firstly. It was a week with my lovely Canadians - Thanh and Nick. Went to places and had a few good meals. About those two  - lost my bubble tea virginity, true vietnamese food virginity and musee Rodin virginity, Fauntainbleau virginity and had a must-go-eventty dinner at the restaurant where me and Thanh always used to go to when we had those photo taking tours. Had our last date there, right before they took off to airport to head back to Canada! About Nick, he's soooooo funny. The first time I met him. It was the first day of school, at the ISC, introduction day. I remember the awkward introducing each other to one another with Thanh and him by her side all the time. Thanh was smily and fun and he was the opposite - soooooo (fcking) serious and didn't speak much. So, during my week with the duo I got a slight glimpse of his well hidden funny self. If I told you that he was one of the most sarcastic, would you believe me. Well, of course, no one beats my fav' girl Liisi, but yet. He still didn't speak  much, but when he did - Gold!

The same week we had a not planned party at the Frog. Hilda, another Canadian, my sweet co-worker, she had her last shift along with a Joss, a super joyful girl from Monaco. So, I went in to have a quick drink with Hilda. Suddenly everyone started gathering and the night turned out to be legendary! (in the Barney's way of speaking, if you know what I mean). Truly, I had to work after sleeping 2 hours. Last time I pulled off a thing like that was probably when in high school. Everyone was sooooo hangoverish and stuff happened. Lesson to learn (like they say, learn from other people's mistakes)---be careful with them mirrors!
Received the photos just today and had a good laugh. Great night it was. :) Aaaand - new "hidden file" has been created.

Then! Gerlo & Mait. Lesson to learn - never ever start your Saturday morning with vodka-orange as a breakfast, it simply will not end well.
Had my first real hangover in Paris.
Had great laughs, especially over Mait's joke about the accent of Australians:
-we came here to die!
-we came yesterDIE!
Yea, missed those two! :)

One day for myself and then it was Räiluuuu! Out of everyone who have been visiting me here, she is the one who actually got the best idea of my life here. ;) And I'm almost sure she had the best vacation ever - with the people she got to meet - no other way possible. :) Raily? True story? :)
+ many "first times".

THE WEDDING. Marina, my sweetheart friend  from the ISC, she asked me to be her "+1", I said yes. It was simply awesome. Firstly - I haven't been to many weddings in my life. Secondly, a black one - modern African. So, yes, an experience with an capital "E"! Gospel choir, ca 150 guests, r'n'b and African rhythms, church full of dancing people and the overall mood of the event - impressive.

Chrishara - my sweetheart. She's the one who needs a post for herself only. This is the next one.
+ my future plans, coming up soon.
+ my the story of my collection of phone numbers.
+ photos.

BISOUS!
Vous Pariisi-Maria

Time to make abridgements (?)

So, heya-all, my dear friends!

It has been 129 days here in Paris, France by today! And I have tried to enjoy every second of it (and yes, I think that I have done 99% of it, just as good job as planned). 

As some of you know, I like plans, I need a plan to manage myself and keep myself on tracks, to control my personal everything. Therefore, since I still haven't recieved any results on weather or not I got accepted to the coolest uni. ever (THE SCIENCES PO), I feel a little lost - because so much is dependent on that. For example, it will change my summerplans, according to that "Accepted" or "Not accepted" I will decide for how long I would be staying in Estonia, if I will go travelling to Norway and Ireland...oh, I mean that I will go to those places, but the question is when and for how long. I sure need a job, I got one here in Paris, maybe I'll come back because of that - it is a job, right, not my dream one, but pays for my awesome vintage finds (And there is quite a few...good shit). So....all that uncertanty is making me crazy.  I know what I want, but it doesnt depend on me at this very moment and that makes me feel helpless and I dont like to feel like that. Makes any sence?

Another thing, my canadian friends, Thanh and Nick, they went back to Canada last monday on 31st of April +  another canadian from where I work, Hilda, she had her last shift also last week, so I have been forced to think about the ending of my time here (I did not want to think of that just yet, but maaaan...time flyes! And aparently, this is the reality). I will be very-very-very sad to leave! And a little excited to go home too - cant wait to see all of my awesome friends + the big 30+30+30 b-day party of my dear BFF and Cäspr and Kairi. It will be a blast for sure!

+ I randomly discovered a blog of a woman, who created a list for herself, something like a bucket list, but with a timelimit "Things I need to do before turning 30", so it got me thinking - what are those things that I want to do before the first nr changes into 3... I'm coming out with a list pretty soon. One of the points will be opening a savings account, because I need to have plenty money when I retire, because I need that awesome carrabean cottage with hudge balcony and a swinging bed on the patio with a view to the blue waters and sandy beaches (private one, of course, you know, old people need peace and quiet and I want no g-stringed DDD-cup bimbos sunbathing in my "front yard", alright!)

Other than that, it is being done. Keep you posted on that. 

So, my Paris has been soooo amazing. I love the city, I love my friends, I love my work more and more every day - the people I work with, they are awesome, everyone of them has their own story and they all are very different from each other---by their origin, culture and education, yet, the team works well and I feel like having an another family there. Also, since I was pretty much the only girl, when I was working in the kitchen, the guys, they really take care of me and I feel lucky. :) And now, I'm a waitress, oh maaaan, that's so cool. You know why? Because I'm damn good at that. :D Seriously, I make hudge tips (even if I dont get to keep them...we share ....sharing is caring), I like it a lot. Aaaaand there is that guy there that's THE MR Flirt himself. He invented flirting! Maaan! Tension, good tension in the air! I'm enjoying it sooooo much! 

BTW, the election season is over. Today was the final election round, between  the current President of France, Sarkozy and socialist party canditate Francois Hollande. The results just came in like 10 minutes ago and .....monsieur HOLLANDE is the next President of France. 

By the France24: 

Socialist Hollande beats Sarkozy to win French presidency

Socialist Party challenger François Hollande has beaten incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy in a tight run-off election to win the French presidency with 51.9% of the vote to Sarkozy’s 48.1%, Ipsos exit polls show. 

Due to that, it will be a weird few month coming up for french - as you can see from the % of the results - they were quite equal. many are dissapointed! People here - they didnt really support none of them, Sarkozy has been rather a dissapointment himself and Hollande has a reputation of a "floater", meaning that he has never really made any decisions and he never gave a good plan how he was going to run the nation if elected. Yet, we'll see....sure thin is that what France needs right now is a leader who has ability to look fruther in the future and make some (most likely unpopular) choices, for the better future! True story. 

Coming up: 

1. The wedding

2. I came here to die ehk Gerlo & Mait

3. Thanh & Nick

4. Chrishara

PS! Me working as a waitress, I told you that I was good, right, well...I am really good and that is proved by a cute guys' nr that I got working my first shift on the floor. ;) 

Beat that! :P

Return of the Killer Tomatoes!

Added to my must-see movies list. 

I was told that it is so bad, that it is good. Due to that, I will watch it in the nearest future. (since I stream, I need good connection. So watching a movie is not as easy as it might seem). 

IMDB: Mad scientist Professor Gangreen is cooking up the second coming of the Great Tomato Uprising, in which music converted tomatoes into human form to war against mankind. Pizza delivery man Chad Finletter must save the world and beautiful tomato-girl Tara.

About bad movies. Last one I watched was Madea Goes to Jail, it was a "black" movie with good humour, yet, as an whole - not that good. 

Also, went to see 2 days in NY. Good! But the first one, 2 days in Paris was way better. Not sure if it can be explained by the american stereotypical idea of europeans or it was just better. I loved the smart lines in it. For example "A blowjob ruined Americas' only chance for democracy" + I loved the crazy french family situation and the impression that most of the times people are not talking to each other but yelling. And the american ignorance on nakedness. Great!

XX